"Abbott and Costello Meet Unix"

Costello calls Abbott with some questions about Unix:

Costello: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?

Abbott: Yes, that's correct.

Costello: No, what is it ?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: So, which is the one ?

Abbott: No. which is used to find the program.

Costello: Stop this. Who are you ?

Abbott: Use who am i not who r yoo. You can also finger yoo to get information about yoo.

Costello: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?

Abbott: Use what.

Costello: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?

Abbott: No. true gives you 0.

Costello: Which one ?

Abbott: true gives you 0. which programname

Costello: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?

Abbott: Type find / -name it -print to find it. Type what program to get the revision code.

Costello: I want to find the revision code.

Abbott: You can't find revisioncode, you must use what program.

Costello: Which command will do what I need?

Abbott: No. which command will find command.

Costello: I think I understand. Let me write that.

Abbott: You can write that only if that is a user on your system.

Costello: Write what?

Abbott: No. write that. what program.

Costello: Cut that out!

Abbott: Yes. those are valid files for cut. Don't forget the options.

Costello: Do you always do this ?

Abbott: du will give you disk usage.

Costello: HELP!

Abbott: help is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).

Costello: You make me angry.

Abbott: No, I don't make me angry but I did make programname when I was upset once.

Costello: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.

Abbott: No more? which will help you find more. Every system has more.

Costello: Nice help! I'm confused more now!

Abbott: Understand that since help is such a small program, it is better not to nice help. and more now is not allowed but at now is. Unless of course now is a file name.

Costello: This is almost as confusing as my PC.

Abbott: I didn't know you needed help with pc. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.